oddlight

.: seven :....oh gods be spanked, I'm becoming addicted to not smoking !@%&*

today is my rostered day off. I worked Sunday you see, which isn't as bad as it may sound... I had only 3 calls, one of them from a manager asking if there had been any calls for his particular client and another two simple ones from a lady in New Zealand. See... easy. I did some work for this frontline management course I have undertaken through work. It's ok too, there's a lot of psychology in management I find.


The day before (often known as Saturday) I went to the Macquarie centre and bought a nice new fish tank for work (this one is large and plastic, I can't vouch for the durability of the 'old' one [don't want to come in and have to clean up 40L of dirty fish water AND explain to my manager how I'm going to replace a few thousand dollars worth of computer equipment])... it's a bit larger than I thought it was, but i think that's better than being too small. I ducked into work quickly after buying it (work is just down the road from the shopping centre) and quickly set it up, then went into the city for an afternoon of beer, pool and eating steak with my friend Link. I smoked a few cigarettes too, although as I'm writing this I have had no nicotine whatsoever for about 36hrs (that includes nicobate gum), so that's good.

I actually surprised how much I wanted a cigarette on Sunday morning... damn those things are stupidly addictive. The novelty is over, time for them to go. As I've been saying to people : cigarettes just aren't making me seem as cool as I thought they would.


Oh yeh, I lost my debit card Saturday too, so i'm running on empty for (according to the bank guy who I spoke to to order a new card) at the latest the 19th. That's 12 days. Of course, technically I can get money... I'm not going to starve to death, but it's an interesting experiment to play with yourself.

This is linked I guess to my previous post (all those months ago), I have this preoccupation with life needing to feel real. I'm not sure if I can explain that more clearly : I'll try....

When I lived in Wagga, things just seemed more vibrant, time passed more slowly, my senses seemed more alive (well, most of the time). I was earning less money, had no car, but life was good. Now it seems to meld from typical day to typical day... and like some of my other friends, I spend the weekend trying to recover from the week. To quote Office Space : "we're not meant to live our lives this way!".


I've just come back from a nice walk along some bush trails in my area and found myself analysing how and when I use different senses while at work:

• sight : limited focus length (at a computer screen) ~ part of the job
  
• hearing : listening to customers and managers and colleagues ~ part of the job
  
• touch : inanimate objects (kbd, mouse), occasionally someone with come up and play with my hair.
  
• taste : when I have lunch, or a cup of tea, coffe or a snack during a break.
  
• smell : when I have lunch, or a cup of tea, coffe or a snack or a walk outside or in the atrium during a break.
  

...Both smell and taste are never used in the course of my work, and touch is usually only of inanimate objects. Even if we give touch the benefit of the doubt, I'm only using half of my senses during my working day. It doesn't sound so strange that I've started growing flowers at home, having remedial massage and enjoying cooking. I'm being starved of sensory input.


I had a second massage on Wednesday evening. I can still feel the difference a week later. Magic. I plan to go again in two or three weeks.


I had a dream last night that my gf of a couple of years ago, JM and I were having coffee and cake and talking of getting back together. It felt sweet, uplifting. But I woke up, and she wasn't here. I still miss her quirky insights.
I'm the only one of the three of us living in this house who is single. It's lonely for sure... but there's always a flip side... (no matter how horribly practical it is), I'm spending more time on my art and music, and I'm crawling ever closer to being debt free, it may still take 18 months or so, but things will be amazing when that time comes. I'm going to reward myself with a holiday I think. The grand plan after that would at this stage probably be looking towards a deposit for a house, although I'm keeping my eyes on the news re: interest rates and the housing situation in Sydney, by that stage it may be time for a move elsewhere, although I like that there is always something happening in Sydney, although do I like WHAT is happening?.
I guess seeing myself make statements like that only reaffirms that I possible don't yet have a well-formed overview of Sydney yet. I've been here for what? 5 years now? I've lost count.

plug. plug. I stumbled across the blog of dazelie...and I think you should read it.

...That's about enough of my ranting at the moment. I hope this finds you well.


...more soon.